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Finding new rhythm

June 15, 2012

Before little man Jude came into our lives, Yana and I had a pretty good routine going. I expected that getting a little brother would make her a little jealous and mean towards her brother, but that was not the case. What I saw was a  3 yr old who seemed to enjoy her little brother but, at the same time, seemed emotional, irritable and very moody.  She knew she was a big sister – I prepared her for that and she was excited – but the fact that she didn’t have mommy 100% of the time was definitely a huge shock to her.

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My goal for when Judah was born was to keep Yana’s schedule the same. I figured that if we kept it the same that she would not act out – so I kept lugging her around from gym class to dance class and to her other play groups and preschool activities. When we would get home she would still act out, cry and just be a mess. I didn’t understand why and was so frustrated! I figured keeping her busy was the best way to get through this (as though this was some temporary thing lol!) I thought I was doing the right thing – but I didn’t seem to be getting the results I expected. Yana remained a very emotional and fussy 3 yr old and I, one frustrated momma! Why wasn’t she satisfied with all of the fun things I planned for her?

I received this article at Yana’s Forest school – and it couldn’t of come at a more perfect time: Daily Rhythm at Home and its Lifelong Relevance

After reading, I realized how wrong my thought process was.  That between feeding, burping and changing Judah, driving Yana to all her activities, cleaning and cooking there was no time left for just, simply Yana and Me

– time that we had plenty of before Judah arrived.

…and that no amount of activities or time with other kids can replace ME 🙂

Yana would see me constantly attending to Judah and when it was her turn, I would just pack her up and take her to an activity. I thought that is what she wanted – that she was bored at home and wanted to be around other kids. But what she really wanted was some uninterrupted moments with her mom.

For some reason I didn’t realize how much she still really needs me. If you know Yana – she is pretty mature for her age and I just figured she would rather spend time with other kids than hanging out with ol’ mom at home.

After reading this article, I felt a sense of relief! I was so stressed of constantly rushing to get ready, stuffing us in a car and driving from one planned thing to the next. I thought I was being a good mom – but a stressed mom is not a good mom and children pick up and absorb that stress. I was so relieved when I realized that I didn’t have to do all those activities and that simply spending time with Yana – even just cleaning her room with her, cooking dinner together and just making her involved was more than enough. All she wants is time with her mom – even more so now that so much of it is taken up by an infant.

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So at this point I have decided to (at least temporarily) stop gym and dance class. I am hoping this will help us slow down and enjoy each other. I am hoping, now that Jude is here, to find a new rhythm for us. Which, right now, means erasing some “to dos” from the schedule.

Today, I am trying to keep in mind why I became a stay at home mom in the first place. I want to pour my energy into my kids – to teach them and be there for them – but most of all, just enjoy this short time that I have with them.

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